MacDrama
by MedusaMyLove
Summary: -A MerdDer burger with a nice fat helping of mushy Cristina and Owen. Disclaimer- if you think I own the characters you need to sue your parents or teachers, not me.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1- "Done fooling around"

Cristina was worried, really worried.

When the McDreamy Saga began she knew that her friend, and she herself, as a consequence, were in for a hail storm of drama's.

Think Titanic meets Bambi meets As the World Turns.

And from the wife, to the vet, to the doe eyed nurse, sure enough her expectations had been met.

Not that that made her happy. None of it made her happy when she saw what it did to her friend. How she was humiliated, and suffered in public, only to suffer some more in private.

Still, they had made it through alive and even Cristina Yang couldn't have imagined that one day she would partake in this particular scene. Lulled into a false sense of security by the constant "leaning into the fear" mantra.

When Derek told her he was thinking of proposing, asking for advice, she shouldn't have brushed him off. That was clear to her now. But, seriously, how could she have known the boy would go off the reservation like that?!

Meredith was hyperventilating and crying at this same time and the one wasn't doing the other any good. "Calm down, calm down o.k!", she was frantically tearing through kitchen cupboards, finally finding a bag that would do. "Here, take this!".

Mer's tear streaked face disappeared behind the bag and she watched the air inside it diminishing as she waited for her friend to steady herself. The seconds went bye and her breathing became more regular.

Slowly Mer straightened up and removed the bag long enough to tell her "Tequila!".

Cris nodded and grabbed their coats, "Joe's!".

When they entered Joe's a quick scan of the room revealed no familiar faces, well; at least no Hunt and no Derek. Good.

They went straight for the bar and Joe came over, grabbing a bottle of tequila on his way.

He poured out the shots no questions asked, and didn't bother screwing the cap back on, leaving the bottle open on the bar.

"So you met that Real Man then?", he asked Cris. She shot up on her stool and pointed at Meredith. "Oh no, this is not about me, this is about her!".

Mer downed another shot and glared at her, "Thanks!", "You drinking or what?!". Cris hurried to follow suit, then poured the next round.

Joe was looking at Meredith now.

"My boyfriend tells me he wants my crappy babies, just before he goes of to LA with his ex wife, singing their wedding song "

She paused for a shot, shuddered, and continued " Then he comes back with a midlife crisis, beats up his best friend and gives me one hour to decide if I want to marry him, because; "we're done fooling around""

A strangled noise escapes Joe's throat and he gets while the going is still good. Wise man.

Cris can't help it, a part of her secretly applauds McDreamy, she really didn't think he had it in him. But he had been all with the surprises lately, and then coming back and laying it down like that with Meredith. Wow!, maybe some one should cut back on the hairspray already.

Her friend was rattled, she had showed up at Cris's apartment thirty minutes before, in full blown panic.

As soon as Cris opened the door she bolted forwards and started crying. Before a startled Cris could do or say anything she had blurted out; "He wants to marry me. Now ". And proceeded to hyperventilate.

She looked at Meredith, who was now a full 4 shots ahead of her and looked like she meant business. It was time to get her talking. Grabbing her arm she got her attention, "O.k, spill!".


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2- Oh no you didn't!

He couldn't believe he did that. He could not believe that he had actually done that.

All this time taking baby steps, slowly building her trust, solidifying their relationship.

And he had gone and put it all to naught, laid down an ultimatum.

An Ultimatum.

Part of him couldn't believe it, another was immensely satisfied, but mostly; he was scared to death. He told her that she needed to quit fooling around and that he'd be back to hear her answer in an hour.

Even as he was driving away from the house he had known this was going to blow up in his face. But what was done was done and he decided against going back in.

When he returned he was nervous, he went up to the door, knocked, but no one answered, that's when he realised that could be it. This could be her answer. Because the house was empty.

Of course the house was empty. He'd driven up to his trailer, vague hopes of candlelight houses playing in his mind against his better judgement. He waited more than an hour before giving up and returning to the house; still deserted.

Next stop; Joe's, where he was greeted with a look from the owner that told him he was in a world of trouble and heard Cris and Meredith had just left.

So he went to Cris's and inadvertently woke up Callie who didn't know anything, and he decided to try the house again. After waiting there for half an hour he started to worry, surely they must have been home by now? He'd asked Callie to send him a message if the girls crashed at Yang's, but he hadn't heard from her and he was beginning to get a bad feeling.

The hospital seemed the right place to look, at least the drive would keep him from thinking.

He really screwed this up.

Twenty minutes later, he was leaving SGH feeling numb, he had little hope now for a happy ending, but he needed to hear her say it. He needed this to be over tonight, this nightmarish evening had to end, he needed an answer.

When he made it back to his car he saw that he had locked his keys inside. That was too much, and he started cursing like he hadn't done in a very, very long time.

"Problems?" came a voice from behind.

He turned around to see Dr. Hunt standing close by, looking at him slightly wearily.

He felt his anger and frustration leave him, shoulders sagging. And starting laughing, but not in a happy way.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." , he hesitated but decided to go one. Hunt could be trusted and he really didn't have much left to lose or screw up.

He looked the other man in the eyes and told him "I told Meredith she had one hour to decide if she wanted to marry e or not".

Surprise registered on Owen's face and he gave a soft low whistle. Derek allowed himself a little snort, "that was 5 hours ago, she's off with Cristina, I can't find her and I just locked my house- and car keys inside my car".

Hunt stared at him for a moment and then clapped him on the shoulder, "My car's right over there, let's go", and he started of without waiting for Derek's reaction.

Once they had left the parking lot Owen followed Derek's directions to Mer's house. Parking on the other side of the street a while later, it was obvious at once that the house was empty.

Owen turned of the engine and the silence settled. "Can you get in?". Derek turned in his seat to look at Hunt with a sigh. "No, not sure I want to, to tell you the truth".

He rubbed the palms of his hands over his legs nervously, "I think there might be a spare key under a flowerpot somewhere". And then, with a little start, "Along with some beer left over from a bbq we had some time ago". "You want to go see if we can find it?".

Owen considered for a second, Shepard was alright and he could use some company, if Meredith Grey wasn't home yet when he finished his beer he'd offer Derek a ride back to the city centre. He nodded and Derek smiled and opened the car door.

They crossed the street and went up to the porch, where Owen sat down on the swing and Derek went off to scout out the beer. Somewhere out of the dark came a triumphant cry and he emerged holding his spoils.

He handed Hunt one and sat down next to him. Sitting there drinking in the dark he felt himself come to rest for the first time in a very long while.

It was good to be here and not in LA, it was good to know, now more then ever, this was his home. He just prayed to god he hadn't ruined it all.

The past few weeks had been…chaotic. All of a sudden a lot of long-sleeping problems had become acute.

Mark's constantly breaking his word and shaming his trust…, he had told Addie! Of all people he told Addie when he had already told the chief, Hunt, and god knows how many others.

Before he'd even had a chance to ask Meredith, the entire hospital already seemed to know.

Archer almost dying, Addie asking him to be a God, friends that desperately tried to cling to the past, not for themselves, no. They wanted to move on but he wasn't allowed that, they wanted him and Addie back together so they could feel all nostalgic.

They didn't want to see the person he was now, they didn't want to let him breathe.

He was with Meredith now and because he hadn't been able to focus on her, he may just have lost her.

The thought almost made him groan, but he remembered on the last moment that he wasn't alone.

He glanced at Hunt, not knowing what to talk about, he didn't seem the type for small talk. And they really didn't know each other well enough to be talking love and marriage.

"You tried". "

"I'm sorry, what?. Owen cleared his throat and spoke up a bit, "you tried, may not seem perfect now, but at least you asked. Good for you".

It was short and to the point but Derek could appreciate the comfort Hunt was trying to give.

"Yeah, at least I asked."

They sat there and drank their beers in a comfortable silence looking out into the night.

Some time had gone by when they heard the sound of high heeled footsteps coming towards the house.

The next moment Meredith and Cristina rounded the corner and walked into the garden.

Owen made to stand, wanting to get out of there before having to witness the scene that was bound to ensue.. But he realised that Shepard was he guy waiting for The Answer here and he should let him take the lead.

So he stayed put while Derek got up squared his shoulders, taking a deep breath before making his way over to the steps of the porch.

The girls hadn't noticed them yet and Derek opened his mouth to get their attention when Meredith's' voice came, light and clear, carrying far through the night.

And what she was saying stopped Derek dead in his tracks and let the words die in his mouth.

"……".

On the swing Owen heard as well and flinched inwardly. "I shouldn't be here, this isn't right" this was so obviously not meant for his ears and he felt like some sad eavesdropper. "Probably because that's what you're doing" he told himself.

From the way Shepard had frozen to the spot he could tell that her mother's suicide attempt was news for him too, and that just made the whole situation even worse.

Very careful to be as silent as humanly possible he stood up and willed Shepard to look at him so he could get a cue for an exit attempt from him. They shouldn't stay here and listen.

But Derek was completely focused on Meredith and what she was saying. The pain of this wound cutting through him, how many more did she have?! How many deep, ragged gashes did she hide? What more had that woman done to her?

Seeing Derek had all but forgotten about him, Owen realised if he wanted out, it was on him to make it happen.

But there was no way out except to pass the women and he didn't want Dr. Grey to know that he had heard her talk about such a devastatingly private part of her life. A part she had apparently not even shared with the man that wanted to spend his life with her.

He cast a look around for another way out, off this porch., but it couldn't be done, not silently. So he sat back down and resigned himself to making the best of the situation.

This was bad.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- The Spilling of the Guts

She had spilled. There had been serious spillage. Of words, tequila, her guts.

It all got spilled. And then she and Cris poked around in the mess like pigs through the mud.

Sharing some quality wallowing with Cristina felt good after their fight.

It was just that the stakes were a little too high this time, much too high for her liking.

She said a lot, focused on every small detail that didn't really matter but would keep her from thinking about the fear that was still chocking her after all this alcohol.

They talked but managed to avoid the crucial points.

Cristina knew of course and was very careful not to say anything to definitive and made sure she was sober enough to know when to call for a cab.

When it came however, Meredith wanted to walk and despite their high heels Cristina knew it was a good idea, giving them time to sober up and maybe giving Mer time to gather the courage to talk about this.

So they walked. By the time they reached the house they were no longer tripping over their own feet. Meredith hadn't said a word the whole way and Cristina could feel something brewing. When they entered the garden, the sight of her mother's house seemed to finally push Mer into speech and her voice came, thin, but clear.

"I'm not extraordinary" Cristina stood, facing her friend, looking at her and waiting.

"I'm not extraordinary" Meredith looked at her, a haunted look on her face. "When I did the therapy thing I discovered something about my mother".

"Actually I understood something she said to me a long time ago, when I was a child and she slit her wrists in front of me"

The words almost seemed to echo across the garden, leaving a pulsing silence in their wake.

She had Cristina's full attention and the shock of what she had just told her showed on her friends face. "She told me to be extraordinary, and of course she didn't bother to explain, being all busy with killing herself and all." She stopped and drew in a shaky breath, her eyes never leaving Cristina's. "She meant I should try for the whole enchilada; the career _and_ the man _and_ children, to somehow try and get it all". "To be Extraordinary" she looked away sharply, "and I'm not".

"You know that about me". "I'm leaning into the fear but I'm basically still dark and twisty."

"I was _built_ dark and Twisty".

Cristina didn't say anything, she held her tongue and allowed her friend to voice it all, the doubts and fears that were kept firmly under lock and key. Meredith needed to hear herself say this.

"What if I just don't have it in me?" "Nobody ever prepared me for this, nobody ever showed me how to do this". Her voice got louder now as her anger and fear rose to the surface. "Easy for her to say, "be extraordinary Meredith"". "she fought my father out of the house and out of my life, and she tried to leave me herself, forgood, when her lover didn't leave his wife! How the bloody hell am I supposed to do any of this!".

She breathed hard and when Cristina spoke next, her voice was soothing.

"What don't you know, hmm?" "How to sleep in one bed? How to share meals and talk and make love ?". "You know all about that, you've been doing it for months".

"It's not that simple! You **know** that.", exclaimed Meredith and took a couple of paces back and forth. Cris said "what do you mean?", but of course she understood exactly what her friend was getting at.

"I was there Cristina, I saw you". She gave her friend a look that conveyed that she didn't want to hurt her but that she _needed _to say this.

"You tried so hard, did everything that was expected and when it came to it you had to cheat and copy something out on your hand".

"You.., you didn't have anything to say".

It stayed silent for a few moments, then Meredith continued," what if I'm at the church and I find nothing to say? Then Derek will leave, like Burke and I…can't think about that.".

Cris breathed in deeply, thinking carefully about her words. Gathering strength to do this, for her Person.

Eventually she took a step closer to Mer and told her what she needed to know.

"It was good Burke left, him leaving; it was the right thing to do". She stopped for a second, took another breath and continued, voice strong and steady.

"Because I **didn't** have **anything** to say".

"And if you find out you don't have anything to say to Derek, then he _should_ leave, and you would survive.

Meredith just stared at her, a pained look in her yes.

And Cristina's voice became louder, more insistent. "But don't believe that you wont have

anything to say because people like us are too damaged for that kind of commitment."

"Don't tell yourself we're structurally unsound, intrinsically incapable of lasting love"

She was gesturing to emphasize her words, "don't use what happened with Burke as an excuse to chicken out.", "you don't want this?, then say no, but don't run scared" "You can do this, either way, you can do this!".

"How can you be sure?", there was real desperation in her voice and Cristina reached out.

"It's not us!, it wasn't me".

She listened to her voice say that it had not been her fault, and the conviction it held sent waves of relief through her system. She had needed to hear herself say that out loud.

"Listen", she grabbed Mer by her shoulders now; "Six months ago I tried to promise a man eternal love and faithfulness, and I came up completely dry".

"Of course I blamed myself, of course I was sure that this was because of my dad and my walls… because I'm not normal in that way. Not marriage material".

"Because what woman would be unable to find one word, a single true word of love and promise, for the man she promised to marry?.

Tears were now streaming down Meredith's face, she was biting them back to no avail as she was nodding her agreement with Cris's words".

Cristina hesitated one moment, but then she went on, she owed her Person the truth and nothing but the truth.

"Mer". She sighed, "I could ask Owen to marry me over breakfast".

On the porch, hidden in the darkness, Owen hunt felt his heart break open and the love that poured forth had him gasping for air.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4- Made in Dark and Twisty land

"_I could ask Owen to marry me over breakfast". _

Meredith's face dropped in astonishment, not believing what she was hearing. " In fact, if we ever have sex, I'll probably end up blurting it out somewhere between the cornflakes and the coffee".

She smiled and came all the way clean, "And if he would accept and we were standing in an office or a garden somewhere and it came to promises, well…"

Meredith's eyes were narrowing watching her with a fierce look, but Cristina continued;

"I wouldn't need to cheat, I wouldn't even need to think."

"I could just look at him and start talking., just let the truth speak itself ".

Now _her_ eyes were narrowing, imagining the scene, and she added "I may have to ask the clerk as a witness, not sure I want anybody else to hear what I'd say, actually. Ruin my reputation once and for all.

She turned her attention back to her friend and ended; "but the _really_ amazing thing is that I'd believe him if he promised to be with me the rest of his life". I'd believe him because he's an honourable man and he wouldn't hurt me, not on purpose.

"I'd believe him because I would never leave him either".

That was it, Meredith had been fighting for calm, but now she exploded. "**Don't**!!", Cristina staggered as Meredith beat her arms away and stepped back abruptly.

"Don't bullshit me Cristina!, not about this!". She angrily wiped the tears from her face, "Not you!".

"What, am I so pathetic now that you have to make up pretty stories to sooth me?".

Cris couldn't believe it, " I am not lying!, why would I be making any of this up?! How would even begin to know where to get this stuff ?".

Meredith wasn't listening though, "So, when are you proposing then?"., she spat at her. "Apparently you can't wait to get hitched, so when are you going to pop the question?!"

Cristina had enough, "What, you need a hearing aid now?", she had been a good friend and had shared like the best of them, but this was pissing her off. Having a shouting match in the front yard about her feelings was not a hobby of hers, and she did not take kindly to being disbelieved on this subject.

"_Ï_ do not _want_ to get married, _I _am not a middle aged, needy, hair- product junkie!.

That shut Mer up, and she steamed right ahead, pacing up and down, voice loud and clear.

"First of all; I do not need to get married. Never aspired to it. Not liking my experiences with it so far. Marriage; not on my "to-do" list, o.k?!".

She continued, "Secondly, I may be selfish but I'm not a total bi*h!".

"He is in bad need of a friend, trying to piece his life together one day at a time. The last thing he needs is to be asked to commit to another person for life."

Meredith was listening attentively know, looking at her friend very hard. "And last but not least, we haven't had sex yet and if I ask and he says no, we never will. In which case, I will have to..

She stopped herself when she realised what she was about to say, but Mer finished with a little laugh, "…kill yourself ?". Cris shrugged and improvised, " Nah, I was going to say, take a 3 week holiday with Mr. Friendly ?!".

Mer gave her a look and she admitted, "whatever, that wouldn't even begin to make up for missing out on Owen anyway".

That got a laugh, but Mer quickly turned serious again , "You love him?". An expressive look was her answer. "But you're still dark and twisty?!"

" Made in Dark-and-Twisty Land ", Cristina assured her.

"And you love him? No fear to lean into? "

Cris rolled her eyes and decided to go old-school, "Fear, Schmear", she said, as if she was still in Kindergarden.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5- Laughing makes you Brave

"_Fear, Schmear_"

It was childish and kind of stupid, but it made Meredith laugh anyway. Or maybe she laughed **because** it was so simply put, in a child's words. Laughing makes you Brave.

The words defied and mocked the weight of all those fears. Made them seem slightly absurd, unreal, and extremely tiring.

Not Fun. at all.

She looked at Cristina again, breathing easy for the first time since Derek dropped his bomb. "I love Derek, he's not going to kill himself or go back to Addison, I know that.".

"He wants my crappy babies". She smiled as she said that, but almost at once a tense look returned.

"There are still a billion ways other he can hurt me though"

Cristina reached out and touched her cheek for the briefest of moments,

" And about 30.000 of them will become reality when you **don't** marry him, are you equally sure any of the others will come to pass? And if they did come to pass then how many of them?, more or less than 30.000? and which ones, the worst or the least painful ones?

She looked her friend in the eye, " You just can't solve that equation Mer, you can't. You'll never have all the variables ".

Trying to lighten the mood, she joked;" Hey, however it turns out, you can't really go wrong here, after all; we'll always have Joe's ", she said, making a face.

She got the smallest of smiles from Meredith, but her friend didn't look amused.

"And then there's the possibility of divorce of course, not like you'd be trapped forever if he drives you nuts".

Meredith gave a scandalized little snort of laughter, "yeah, when you put it like that..!, why am even worrying here?".

She turned serious, " I can't _just try_, I can't give the shrink the satisfaction of calling me a quitter". "She told me I stand around at edges a lot waiting to be swayed one way or the other.", "I don't want to be swayed into marriage, Cristina, I want that to be my call, just mine"

"So make the call already ". Meredith stared at her friend, knowing she was right, she was ready to give Derek his answer.

She relaxed, noticing how hungry she was, and that she needed to pee, "Let's go inside, get something to eat?".

"I guess you can sleep with me tonight, I don't think I'll find Derek in bed when we go up".

Her voice betrayed her worry. She had no idea where he was, it had been hours after all, since he must have come back here in vain. Cristina understood what she was thinking about and tried to cheer her up, "tomorrow we'll hunt him down and then you can sleep next to him for the rest of your life, right?".

"Who says I want to?", Meredith responded immediately, almost out of habit. Cris ignored her and turned to go inside.

They moved to the steps of the porch when Meredith held her back, "thank you".

Cristina gave her hand a little squeeze, and she rolled her eyes, "Yeah, yeah, I'm still not hugging, you know that right?". That earned her a slap on the arm.

Mer took one of those halting breaths that follow crying and smiled, "So, no sex yet, huh?", after what I've seen of the two of yo… -"No!"

"No, no, no, no!" -Cristina interrupted, turning back to face her.

This is not a conversational topic. We're not talking about this, that was a strictly one time performance.

Mer shot her a funny look and she admitted "Just saying his name this often makes me want to give him a booty call, o.k?! Thank God I'm not drunk enough, even so, all this talk.; not helping!".

Her friend laughed but insisted, "You've got to at least te.."- "No!, no McBadass, I'm serious!".

"Let's talk about something else; I heard of this place downtown that sells amazing new hair gel, Your guy' ll love it". "Hey! Lay of the hair already!", Meredith was in the middle of slapping her when she let out an exclamation and turned a confused face towards Cris. "Wait.", "wait just a minute; you two haven't had sex yet, even though you're dying to?!".

"Cristina eyed her wearily and answered, " I just told you I don't want to discuss this any further".

Meredith stepped back and laughed in a way that told Cris something bad was coming. "What happened to the three count rule?!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about", Cris tried to turn and walk away but Mer grabbed her arm and went on mercilessly, "The Three Count rule, the rule that states that if a man fails to sleep with a woman within three weeks of her indicating that she wants him to do so. You should cut your losses and leave because he has Issues.

"The rule that further states that these issues, whether they be of emotional or hygienic nature, or simply be too many "vintage" Playboy issues that lie around his living room, are a deal breaker".

The look on Cristina's face almost made her pee her pants and she managed to get out, between peals of laughter, "so which one is it?".

-"Ehm, hello!, PTSD; seriously not funny!", Cris exclaimed, but that didn't distract Meredith, "I know, and _you_ know, and you still want him, now isn't _that_ funny".

Cristina tried to dismiss the comment, arching an eyebrow and going all, "seriously?!". But she didn't quite pull it off. Which made Meredith clap her hands and squeal, "You are **so** whipped!". "You'll be proposing to this guy alright but not over breakfast!"

You'll be doing it to get in his pants!". " Are you sure this isn't his plan to get you to marry him ASAP ?".

She continued to laugh and stare in awed delight at Cristina's consternation before having taking pity on her and unlocking the front door.

They went inside, never noticing they had not been alone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note**: "I know I've got Derek's age wrong, when he lost his dad. Pls don't comment, am aware of that fact"

Chapter 6- The Lioness that Loved Me

Owen sat back down in the dark and took a deep breath. How did a beer with a colleague turn this messy, this quick?

When he heard Meredith Grey bare her soul to her best friend, and realised that there was no way out for him and Shepard, he knew he was in .was. bad.

And moments later it got a whole lot worse.

Meredith was talking about Cris doing her best, copying lines, coming up empty?. Noticing Shepard turn his head and giving him an apologetic look, he frowned back his not-understanding.

But when the next few sentences made him realise what they were talking about, he almost gasped out loud.

"Cristina?!, engaged?!", and from what he was hearing… Was it possible that they had broken up at the church, before the altar even?

His mind reeled, trying to make sense of what this meant, jumping from his own ex-fiancé, to the idea of her having one.., jealousy clawing at his insides.

Her voice brought him back again, and now, he listened. Had to.

"_I could ask__ Owen to marry me over breakfast"_

His mind went blank, and he felt his heart break open, flooding with love. For two full heartbeats he was drowning in it. Then his cognitive faculty resumed and the first thought there, was, "Yes, I'll marry you Cristina".

He could feel this crazy smile settle on his face and he could sense Shepard was still watching him but didn't care. And he dindn't care that his eyes got wet when he heard her say she trusted him, that she would never leave him. What did he do to deserve her?. To deserve second chances and sultry glances, to deserve her trust, her love, her loyalty ?!

The smile returned, less wide, but more tender now, and stayed while he was listening to Cristina enumerate all the reasons why she wouldn't propose.

"Oh, you're going down Yang!". Still watching Hunt, Derek couldn't help laughing to himself. He could see the other man was just as much in love with Cristina as she was in love with him, and he was genuinely moved. He had been there for the entire relationship between Preston and Yang. They were both good people and he wasn't taking sides, he had seen Cristina suffer though.

Hell, she had passed the suffering right along, kicking him out of his own bed, usurping his girlfriend. He had seen a lot of Cristina in these past few months, had gotten to know her better than she probably realised. He knew her well enough to know that this was.., world shaking? a revelation?. For her to feel this way about Hunt was a not so small miracle, and wonderful to behold.

And in some strange way it made her seem more like her true self. As if somehow, a missing piece, that completed the picture, was now in place. Bringing out her person in full relief and colour.

Derek smiled, this Cristina was a lot softer and maybe more mature, although moments later, he rolled his eyes at the "fear-schmear" comment and decided that the maturity was still coming. He took back the judgement immediately when he heard Meredith's clear laugh. If she conquered these demons and let him in, that would be because of the help of her rude, immature best friend. He would owe Cristina, owe her Big.

Hearing Meredith assure herself out loud that he was not going to leave her made his throath constrict and his chest heavy with grief and guilt. He had thought he knew what she meant when she told him about her abandonment issues in the beginning of their relationship. After all, his father had been taken away from him and his mother and sisters, had left them.

He had gotten killed, and had to leave them.

However seeing Thatcher Grey, drunk, and abusive after Susan's death, had made him realise there were a lot of ways people can leave each other, and a lot of levels of leaving. It even had him thinking that maybe, being left for good was better, in spite of the pain that the "for good" caused.

Because if the other person is still around, they can leave you over and over again, for alcohol, out of grief, because of Alzheimer's.

Meeting her mother during that lucid moment, gathering impressions from Richard, from Meredith, from the Diaries, when they were discussed, he thought he had come to understand.

He thought.

But he had been twelve when his father was taken from him, and he had his mother and his sister. She had been eight and her mother had chosen to leave her. She had had no one lonely girl had turned into a lonely woman. Whom he had left. Listening to her fighting her fears, he was overcome by a deep feeling of sadness and love.

A little further away, Owen had heard Cristina make the "fear- schmear" comment as well, and smiled.

He knew she had good reasons to be scared, this wasn't easy for her. Hearing her ridicule her fears like that gave him courage as well. Made him smile.

With her, he would dare undertake anything. As long as they were together it would be a success. Her fighting spirit was one of the first things that attracted him to her, she had the spirit of a lioness. The wild mane of curls a dead give away for any careful observer.

And her eyes, .. her eyes could Roar.

It was not a thing you saw often, not even in the military. He had known one or two drill sergeants that had that look. Needless to say that he hadn't wanted to take _them_ into his arms and kiss them senseless whenever they used it. That nearly had him laughing out loud, he froze however, when he saw they were climbing the steps, moving to the front door. Derek was softly and carefully backing further away into the darkness. Owen hesitated for a moment, but didn't get up, thinking he'd only attract more attention by moving.

He needn't have worried, Meredith's teasing about their abstinence had them completely occupied, and he got a front row seat to a personal premiere; Cristina calling him McBadass~!

That was really too funny, but a small part of him was still kind of flattered. With the likes of Izzy Stevens and Calliope Torres around, he had soon picked up on the nickname-thing. He had thought it hilarious at the time. Hearing Cristina call him that, and adding she wanted to give him a booty call was seriously hot though, and he knew he just couldn't wait much longer to touch and hold her as he so desperately wanted.

The ladies finally went in and after a few moments' wait, Derek took the lead in their silently exit. They didn't stop until they were back on the street, well out of sight.

Turning towards each other, they stayed silent for a while ,contemplating all that they had just heard. Then Derek spoke, seeming to make up his mind. "I'm going back, it's where I live, and I don't want to be anywhere else.". He laughed, mocking himself, "I'm not letting her kick me out, not tonight. Not ever".

Owen gave him a sharp look and then a nod, "I'll come with you and get Cristina home".

Derek looked like he was going to protest, but he continued, "Just say I gave you a ride and leave out the fact that that was one hour, and the total violation of their privacy, ago. "I'm sleeping next to Cristina tonight, I don't care how drunk she is, or if she's been eating salami for the last ten minutes".

Derek looked at him with a smirk, "Ah!, this is where the McBadass-ness comes in, isn't it?"

Owen didn't dignify that and started walking, but when they reached the garden again he let Derek pass, clapping him encouragingly on the shoulder. "I'll be in and out in a second and you'll have you're hands free, o.k?!, Good Luck!".

Derek breathed in and opened the door


End file.
